THE PROMISED AWAKENING
IN ISRAEL IS JUST BEGINNING
It will bring “life from the dead” to the world
(Romans 11)
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“I killed a person.”
She will never forget the mistake she made.
“I killed my baby.”
But she will also always remember the opportunity she received.
This is Larissa. When she was just a youth, she experienced domestic violence and sexual abuse by her stepfather. Alone and desperate, she had to run away from her home and moved in with a man she met. She got pregnant, but then realized she was stuck in an abusive relationship.
“When everyone would leave I would get a beating. And…and rape too, he starting raping me. Even when I was pregnant – he didn’t care. I was all black and blue, from head to toe. When he’d leave the house, he’d lock me in and he could disappear for days at a time and leave me without food, without anything at all.”
“I turned into someone that couldn’t speak, into someone that couldn’t… someone that was afraid all the time. So the next time he came back, I took advantage of the opportunity. He was drunk, and I just escaped with the baby in my arms.”
After she immigrated to Israel, her father and his partner kicked Larissa out of their house. And again she became homeless, this time with a two-year-old son.
“We had a neighbor, who kindly welcomed me in. So I felt that this man… maybe he loves me. We began to be together and I got pregnant. And he told me, “You have to get an abortion.””
“I was in shock. I didn’t know what an abortion was. I didn’t expect that kind of response. He gave me half the amount needed for the abortion and put it on the table. I was thinking only about myself, how things have been hard for me, no one is helping me, no one is supporting me, no one is asking about me. I have to… I just have to do it.”
“I only remember that…I just woke up in a room and I told myself, “Wow, that’s it. It’s behind me.” That’s how I saw it for years – many years. I tried not to think about it… I just buried it – deep inside. Afterwards I felt that something awful had happened. That something here isn’t OK. Here, deep inside. But I didn’t yet understand what wasn’t alright. I knew it was a shameful thing I did, that I could never talk about this with anyone.”
Years passed by, and Larissa, thirsting for warmth and love, started a new, long-term relationship. She got pregnant, but this time she made a brave decision that led to a dramatic change in her life.
“I knew that I wasn’t going to get an abortion. And he told me explicitly, “I don’t want it. “I don’t have money for you, “not for a bed and not for diapers, and not to give you anything.””
And I said, “I don’t want anything from you. “I want her for myself. She’s mine.” I met Larissa about 12 years ago. Larissa was troubled, alone, and very insecure. She wouldn’t look me in the eyes. She would speak very quietly. She didn’t really know what to do. And she told me, “Don’t worry, everything will be alright. Your baby will have everything she needs.”
On the evening she went into labor, she called me. She simply did not know whom to call in order to get to the hospital. And she came, picked me up, and sat with me there at the hospital. She brought a doula for me! After the birth I’d visit her every month, I’d bring her diapers and baby formula. Larissa was breastfeeding her baby, so she didn’t need the formula. So I asked her, “What are you doing with the baby formula?” She responded, “I don’t have money for milk “for me and my son. So we just drink the formula, because I don’t have money.” Only then did I realize how difficult her situation was – how she didn’t have the money or the ability to deal with this difficulty alone.
After the birth, I started going to the meetings for mothers. I got to know more women, more mothers. I felt that this was a place where I wanted to be, because I felt that someone loved me, someone cared for me here. One day, Larissa heard the story from the New Covenant about an adulterous Samaritan woman that Yeshua, Jesus, met. And for the first time in her life she was filled with hope, because Jesus showed kindness to the Samaritan woman, and helped her to begin a new life.
And that touched my heart. I felt like I was the Samaritan woman. I’ve made mistakes and sinned, but Yeshua came and spoke with that kind of people, and accepted them. And I understood that… I have a chance here, to be set free from the life I was living – because I killed my baby. I killed a person. That was the greatest sin I committed in my life. A baby is a person too – he has a heart, hands, legs, everything. I just needed to give him a little bit more time to grow and come into the world. A baby can’t speak, he can’t ask, he can’t scream and say, “Mom, I want to live… I want my life.”
God loves us, God wants us to be with him, for us to come closer to him. But our sin separates us from him. But God promised in the Tanakh (Hebrew Scriptures) that he would send us the Messiah, to atone for our sins. And I understood that this is Yeshua, Jesus. That Yeshua is the Messiah of the people of Israel. And he took it upon himself – all the sins, and all the pain, and all the wounds that I had. He died for me. He rose from the dead, and he forgave me for what I had done. He is making me into a totally new person. I am new. I’m not the Larissa I was ten years ago, I’m a different Larissa today. I’m a Larissa that is full of life. It was very interesting to see this process, to see Larissa blossom. As a caterpillar becomes a butterfly, little by little, she also opened up. And now she’s speaking more, she’s more confident. When a woman does an abortion, she often suffers from an inability to forgive herself. She might feel that she’s a second-class person. She’s not – but she feels that way.
And Be’ad Chaim (Pro-Life Israel) wants to help. The goal of our course is to help women find freedom from condemnation, freedom from guilt. And at the end of the course we go to a place called the “Gardens of Life.” It’s a place where a tree can be planted to remember the baby that you weren’t able to hold. It could’ve been a miscarriage. It could’ve been an abortion. It could’ve been a stillbirth. Larissa not only came full circle by planting her tree, she also even started working at Be’ad Chaim. And she helps pregnant women at the same place where she received the help that changed her life. Her story is so similar to those of other women here. A story of great challenges in the family, a story of abuse in the family, and of suffering from divorce. So she was able to empathize, she is still able to empathize with the women, very much so.
If during that period when I was pregnant someone were to tell me about it, about an organization like this, I wouldn’t have had the abortion. I wouldn’t have done it. When I meet someone that’s thinking about abortion, I ask her, “What do you think you have in your belly?” Look at the blessing: Larissa’s daughter, Anat, blesses her so much. If she would have had an abortion 12 years ago, Larissa would’ve had a hole in her heart. Today, she’s overjoyed that she has a daughter. And mothers don’t regret having their babies, they don’t regret it. They’re so happy. They come and cry and thank us, and are glad that we helped them choose life.
If you have an unplanned pregnancy, or if you've been involved in an abortion, you are not alone. We invite you to receive counseling and personal support. And if you'd like to know more about God and what he can do in your life today, ThinkAgain.Life. If you'd like to know more about our ministry, and help us reach more people with this life-changing message, TreeofLifeIsrael.org. Shalom from Israel.